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I am a unicorn. I AM an animal.
Jul. 10th, 2012 05:29 pmI have been debating a lot of things lately. My mind has scanned over self, my thoughts pondering the seemingly incomprehensible. I know I'm a unicorn. Yet, there is something more feral, more animal than that, and it tugs at my very being. It could be the unicorn. In fact, unicorns could be considered feral, as they are said to be impossible to catch. Yet this is a more furred, more aggressive creature. While unicorn to me is a more magical, mystical, and (perhaps) a sentient being, there is feral anger, feral aggressiveness, territorial nature, separate from the calm depths of being unicorn. There is something on the "outside" OF myself, whereas unicorn is on the inside OF myself.
To explain further, I do not believe this presence to be distinct from me. In fact, I am this presence. It is as if my feral behaviors may mean something, may be something, beyond autism. My mentality is animal, I am sure of that, and that mentality is always there. I see through feral eyes every minute, whether I am consciously aware of it or not.
If I had to describe my experiences and feelings, I would say that unicorn is eternal. It is my soul, it is my kintype, the past, the etheric present, and my inner true being. Yet all around, within me, something else surrounds the unicorn. It is an animal that I am yet unaware of the species of. It causes me to growl, both awake and while asleep. It causes me to (naturally) lash out with claws and teeth when I am angry, to playfully nip, to nuzzle when in love, and whimper when I am upset. Possessiveness of food, and lack of tail are my burdens and faults. Many of these things are unacceptable in human society, and I must learn to control. However, I digress...
At times I don't know what to make of all this. I don't see myself identifying as anything beyond unicorn at core essence, and what surrounds it as the present: the animal. The animal is not quite an identity so much as a mentality, the way I think. It's what I AM presently, whereas the unicorn is what I am, and what I always will be. I do not know that what I AM will always be what I am, however.
Just some incomplete thoughts I had while on a walk...
To explain further, I do not believe this presence to be distinct from me. In fact, I am this presence. It is as if my feral behaviors may mean something, may be something, beyond autism. My mentality is animal, I am sure of that, and that mentality is always there. I see through feral eyes every minute, whether I am consciously aware of it or not.
If I had to describe my experiences and feelings, I would say that unicorn is eternal. It is my soul, it is my kintype, the past, the etheric present, and my inner true being. Yet all around, within me, something else surrounds the unicorn. It is an animal that I am yet unaware of the species of. It causes me to growl, both awake and while asleep. It causes me to (naturally) lash out with claws and teeth when I am angry, to playfully nip, to nuzzle when in love, and whimper when I am upset. Possessiveness of food, and lack of tail are my burdens and faults. Many of these things are unacceptable in human society, and I must learn to control. However, I digress...
At times I don't know what to make of all this. I don't see myself identifying as anything beyond unicorn at core essence, and what surrounds it as the present: the animal. The animal is not quite an identity so much as a mentality, the way I think. It's what I AM presently, whereas the unicorn is what I am, and what I always will be. I do not know that what I AM will always be what I am, however.
Just some incomplete thoughts I had while on a walk...
